Monday, December 22, 2008


Ben's Chili Bowl is expanding next door. "Next Door" is the name of the addition, but really it's Upscale Ben's, or Ben's Bistro. Hardwood floors, a long bar featuring ice cold Greenie Meanies* on tap, table service and a menu of girlie food. Don't worry, you can still get a chili cheese dog, or sausage and egg sandwich while you watch the flatscreen tvs. Or rent the space in the backroom for parties. Open till 2AM weekdays, it's the best of all worlds, where the elite meet the street. U Street. soft open in a few weeks, grand opening? I'm guessing Inauguration week.


are you sure you want to know?

Sunday, December 21, 2008

home, home!

Duncan's sweetheart was coming home. He bought steak and greens, good red wine, apple cider, half and half. juice oranges, idaho potatoes, a 10-lb turkey. Don't make turkey the first night I'm home, said his true love. So Duncan bought lobsters. bib lettuce- hydroponic, and chocolate ice cream. and butter pecan. He bought persian cucumbers and pickled them, and an english cucumber and pickled it. and did the rest in yoghurt with garlic and shallots. He decided not to buy blueberries from south america because of the carbon footprint. Duncan opened the Godiva and chose from the chocolate chart. dark caramel embrace: a chewey-soft center of chocolate caramel enrobed in dark chocolate. perfect. He picked up the other guide in the Godiva. Nutrition Facts. WHAT THE ...?
Duncan hadn't played in a long time. He sat at the piano and eased into Stand By Me, in a dark caramel embrace.

Thursday, December 4, 2008


The phone rang at 5AM, waking Duncan Blitz. Night calls meant work, not worry. But it was a long time since Duncan had freelanced, and the long wait of a long distance connection scared him. Something went wrong in China. “hello?” Wrong number.

Duncan fumbled the phone into its cradle and went back to sleep, shaking.

The worst thing about being old, Duncan’s mom told him, is that your friends die. Moody died and Zannes died. Duncan’s mom died too, and Duncan’s dad. Then Hal died. Holly was in a clinical trial, and Jeff was getting ready for an ordeal designed to save his life.

Duncan Blitz thought: I think my hair is thinning.

Put two long slices of fresh ginger in a mug of water and nuke 1 min 11 sec.

Piano and violin sonatas

Wednesday, November 26, 2008


People are not buying, said the produce manager at the GIANT. Nevertheless, I bought a fresh turkey, stuffing mix, sweet potatoes, sparkling cider, cashews, redi-whip.
$12.99 sparkling brut, but I do have a bottle of good stuff in the fridge. Tonight I’m baking apple pie. “See you tomorrow,” said the bagger. “you forgot something.”


Sift 2 cups flour with a teaspoon of salt.
Cut in 3/4 cup CRISCO shortening, using two table knives. Or a fork, till all the flour is coated, not powdery.
Sprinkle with about ¼ c cold water, a little at a time, till the dough is damp, but not gooey wet. Divide into 2 balls, one larger than the other. Chill. Also put the dough in the refrigerator to chill.

Coat the clean kitchen counter with flour and make a little mound of flour. Pat and squeeze the smaller dough ball like you’re warming up. Flatten it on the flour mound, till it’s pancake sized. Roll it out, from the middle to the edges, with a rolling pin, use plenty o flour on the pin, and under the dough. Lift the dough by rolling it up on the pin, and then set it on your pie pan. I think I may have to make you a video. Trim large, w scissors. Fill with apples, cinnamon, sugar, flecks of butter. Roll out the top crust, lay in on top, press the edges together in an artful flute. Poke some holes in the dough and bake at 350 for an hour. Mmm, hot apple pie. Happy thanksgiving!

Monday, November 24, 2008

Duncan contemplates the circle of life

who figured that out, anyway? i want my money back!
on the other hand, our green cherry tomatoes and red jalapenos are entering the pickled of life. maybe death on the vine isn't so bad.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Duncan is tired of greens and lean

Duncan Blitz had a big case of sad. His sadjolais nouveau arrived every year on the third Thursday of November. Magic light was at 4 o’clock, daylight done before 5, News at Ten.

Duncan ordered pizza for dinner, and a beer.

At home he felt ill, or ill at ease. He wondered if he was allergic to alcohol. His old dog Wylie heard him thinking, got up, circled, and plopped back down on the saddle blanket.

Duncan thought, I’m not a very good dad. They know I love them, I’m an okay dad. Then he tortured himself with every mistake he ever made.

Calories from Pizza: 920
Calories from Beer: 200

Wednesday, November 19, 2008


Duncan Blitz cut a Valencia orange in half and squeezed it, plus three more, in the juicer. That’s how he started each day in Florida with his father, and that’s how he began today.

His father’s appetite had turned tiny, so Duncan made meals in miniature, serving portions that even his Pop could manage. “Duncan cooks dinner for me," Dad told everyone. Pleased and proud less of Duncan’s ability to make a lollipop lamb chop with a spoonful of baby peas and a sliver of petite potatoes, than happy that his son was there, loyal and loving to the end.

Today was his mother’s birthday, November 19. Mom had a joke at Christmas time, about an old jewish lady who’s caught in a snowstorm on Fifth Avenue and walks into St Patrick’s Cathedral. She finds a nice dry place to sit, and looking around her, realizes it’s Christmas Eve. Staring at the face of Jesus under his crown of thorns, she confidentially whispers, “Don’t cry little boobalee, tomorrow’s your birthday!”

Duncan lit a candle for his mother last night, whispered to her, and went to bed with his prayer.
God bless mom if she’s around, with dad.
And god bless my children, please.
If there were room for another blessing, Duncan would ask god to help him be a mensch and not a jerk.

This morning I poured espresso over hot foamy milk for breakfast and nibbled two skinny ginger cookies: 60 calories

“All my life I tried so hard to be thin, and now I’m supposed to gain weight,” said my mom, on the couch, with cancer.

I thought about my mom, who wanted us to be stoic, and fixed myself hot oatmeal topped with butter, brown sugar and cream, and three pieces of toast. There!

Sunday, November 16, 2008

a thousand calories per hour

Duncan Blitz was on a binge. For 13 weeks before his departure date, he had eaten his way through the kitchen. From the freezer, food he didn’t like: chicken, sausage, steak, frozen string beans, ice cream that was not chocolate. From the refrig, packaged cheese, soft cheese, cheese that was not goat cheese. From the pantry, salted nuts, linguine. With the last of the flour and crisco, he rolled a crust and baked an apple tart. He fried an apple and ate that. He broiled apple slices, and ate those with greek yoghurt. He put a blop of jam in a cup of yoghurt and at that too.

Duncan served himself at the dining table, picked up his plate, moved to the coffee table and watched Rachel Maddow, or Morning Joe, Andrea Mitchell or Colbert.

Then his trip was cancelled, and Duncan began to starve. He ate salmon trims on little square crackers. He made a plate of humous on chopped lettuce, with tortillas and olives. He squeezed four oranges. He baked a potato for dinner and drank a foaming mug of warm milk, injected with a double hit of espresso, for breakfast. But he had no paycheck and did not buy food.

For lunch, toast buttered with cinnamon and sugar, until he ran out of butter. For desert, nestles quik, several spoonsful, in an inch or two of milk, nuked.

Duncan Blitz made a hundred calls and stayed in his pajamas till he finally got a work. On payday, he bought a ton of food and ate every two hours. He made a turkey dinner, a roast duck, a baked ham with greens and sweet potato pie. He cooked crispy striped bass and a rack of lamb. He went back to work three and a half days later.


Monday, October 27, 2008


I just found out that the skinny part is the ankle, so you can wear skinny jeans even if you have a fat ass.
breakfast: espresso with hot milk, 2 pieces of toast w butter. no jam
lunch: salad of romaine lettuce, dressed with olive oil and salt. lime juice optional
dinner: fresh vegetable, roasted or pan blackened. potato (sweet potato, idaho, or baby, roasted whole or slivered. 4 oz of pasta, meat, or fish of your choice. club soda and red wine. mixed, or not
late snack: Ben & Jerry's Dublin Mudslide ice cream, nuked in micro 11 seconds, with cold 1% milk poured on.
bedtime: chamomile tea or fresh ginger tea

2 full push-ups, every day
2x 30 minutes jogging, 2x week
walk every day

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

AMY is on the treat-your-daughter diet:

breakfast: double espresso with whole milk. croissant
shopping break: Westside Pavilion for lots of cute clothes and a roasting pan with rack.
lunch: half dozen oysters, half dozen littlenecks,1 glass muscadet loire valley, “fall salad”, roasted kabocha squash, grilled treviso, dates, pepitas and saint agur cheese, 1 glass fresh lemonade fizz, apple fritters w caramel and sea salt, french pressed coffee
dinner: priceless

Monday, October 20, 2008


my neighbor says grappa e camomile is very nice, served on the roof patio at marvin.


dr drops diet, no word yet about what these drops are made of:

from Igor Malakhov, video producer, on-air talent, journalist extraordinaire, moscow:

dr drops says that coffee spoils it all.
the best diet for me today -

breakfast- drops

lunch- drops + chicken with mashed potatoes at my mama's +
tea; felt so good! and was so delicious!

dinner- cheese pie with honey + green tea ++ more drops

weight loss- nothing

but- gained nothing as well

and no mucous! (ie, for those whose "humours" are neither fire, air, or water, but phleghm!)

Sunday, October 19, 2008

prairie diet: OK

from Holly Sweet, producer/audio tech in Oklahoma:
Yesterday my diet: coffee with big load of milk and splenda. Had to go into microwave just to be drinkable, there was so much milk.

nothing until:

lunch - quick drive through at Taco Bell for bean burrito and small Pepsi. Then drive through Braum's for a single dip, hot fudge sundae. Extra whipped cream. (I don't think they came through)

nothing again until -

on my way to symphony, realizing no time for dinner, I drove through DIFFERENT Braum's for double dip peppermint cone.

Glass of wine at symphony.

Midnight snack of 2 flour tortilla's heated in microwave, then slathered with butter, salt and salsa. And 1/2 glass wine in a Fred Flintstone jelly glass.

cleansing breakfast video

watch the video: amy is on the espresso and oj diet

Saturday, October 18, 2008

duncan blitz is on a cleansing diet

breakfast: green tea (extra large mug)
lunch: 6 oz fresh raspberries, chrysanthemum tea
dinner: miso soup, edamame, 2 pc yellowtail sashimi, jasmine tea
evening: fresh steamed ginger tea
late snack: water

duncan blitz's editor's diet

coffee: coffee, with half & half and splenda
breakfast: no breakfast
snack: bearclaw, fresh orange juice
coffee: coffee with cremora and Equal
lunch: Potbelly Italian: capicola, mortadella, pepperoni, salami and provolone. Arizona Iced Tea, chips.
teatime: Rolaids, coffee with cremora and sugar
dinner: broiled red snapper, baby fingerling potatoes tossed with butter and salt, pan blackened string beans, salsa of baby cucumber and baby red onions vinaigrette. 6 oz hard liquor (80 proof), 2 glasses red wine. no dessert.

duncan is on the newspuke diet

morning: double espresso, milk no sugar
pre-breakfast: regular coffee, donut
breakfast: breakfast burrito, diet coke
lunch: no lunch
snack: beef jerky, salted cashews, Gatorade Citrus Cooler, good humor chocolate eclair bar, Gummy peach rings
bottled water, all you can drink
after-work snack: newcastle brown ale, bar mix
dinner: carne asade burrito, tecate
after-dinner treat: camomile tea