Monday, September 26, 2011

DUNCAN BLITZ WANTS TO EAT A FAT BABY

"MOM!"
Duncan Blitz woke up calling her.  Not because he needed his mommy, but because he needed to let her know that the loud blast that woke him hadn't harmed him.  He was okay.

I should go somewhere quiet, thought Duncan, with no trash trucks, no night explosions, no death penalty.  Living life in peace.

I found an ayurvedic divorce counsellor, Duncan's ex told him by FB msg, and would like to meet with you...    I should go somewhere quiet with no Facebook, thought Duncan.

Duncan Blitz put on a clean pair of jeans and drove to the new part of town that had Tasting Menus, Small Plates and Artisanal Draft Beers from Local Craft Brewers.

He walked up Central Ave, slowing to notice a guy with a tiny infant in his snuggli.  "A tapas baby," thought Duncan.   He found a place that looked upscale and ordered a Fat Bastard.

I hope someday you'll join us,
And the world will live as one.

THE HUNGRY TIGER DIET:

breakfast:
wood oven roasted quail eggs
baby fingerling potatoes
ultra baby bok choy
young's double chocolate stout

lunch:
assortment of pickled young garden vegetables and cider-marinated tiny watermelon sprouts
young riesling

snack:
candied baby figs
young Blancs de Blancs

dinner:
fat baby veal chop (tastes like kitten!)
baby carrots with rosemary cherry pepper sauce
chocolate pudding sprinkled with young thai coconut shavings
beaujolais nouveau.  in a sippy cup

LINK TO THE COWARDLY LION AND THE HUNGRY TIGER (READ IT!):
"I don't believe fat babies taste like gumdrops. I'm quite sure they have the flavor of raspberry tarts. My, how hungry I am for fat babies!"

Monday, August 29, 2011

DUNCAN BLITZ IS ON THE DIET OF DIVINE INTERVENTION

Duncan Blitz looked into his heart and saw a tangle of noodles and spun candy.

"God," he said (to God), "Help me out!" and set about sorting and simplifying until it was orderly.

"I'm 40," said Duncan (to Nobody), "Eric is 14, and Wiley is 13 times 7, in dog years."  Nothing lasts forever, he decided, except the sky.

Sorting and simplifying proved daunting to Duncan, who decided to tackle his task after lunch.

SIMPLE MAN'S LUNCH:
sliced grilled breast of gingered duck
rice and black beans flavored with garden thai basil, texas thyme and mouth-popping grape tomatoes
hand made corn tortillas
salsa of fresh peach,  green tomato and slivered onion

chilled watermelon

SNACK:
apple pie w ice cream

BEVERAGE:
cafe con leche?
club soda?
red wine?
tecate?

"please, Duncan," said God: "decide."








Tuesday, March 8, 2011

duncan blitz: the kit kat ambush

Duncan Blitz heard its call.
Le Chocolatier European Biscuits, calling his name, from the freezer.
Duncan heard it again while he made cafe con leche.
He toasted two pieces of black bread and ate them buttered with marmalade.
The chocolate cookies called to him again, after
lunch:
toasted bagel with cream cheese and lox (with capers and onions)
romaine salad
pickled cream herring
gefilte fish with horse radish
the other half of the bagel

Duncan read the Sunday paper.  He ate a vanilla yogurt. and he ate the blueberry yogurt that he didn't want, but wanted to pitch from the fridge, but not in the trash.

Duncan Blitz grilled a lovely branzino with lemon and taragon, which he enjoyed with a can of Tecate (and a squeeze of lime)
dinner:
Fish and Beer

The stomach of Duncan Blitz is too full to hear the call of the European Chocolate Biscuit.
He will watch a movie.  And eat the whole box.

Le Chocolatier Cookies
Serving Size:   15 cookies, Calories: 750, Fat: 45g, Carbs: 85g, Protein: 5g