DUNCAN BLITZ: ARE SWEETBREADS A VEGETABLE?

Duncan Blitz could not eat skate. After he and his son patted a manta ray at SeaWorld, there was no way Duncan would eat a gentle friendly creature from that family. It would be like harpooning an angel fish, or poaching a panda. It was getting harder to eat rabbit, and impossible to eat bison. The one so meek and the other so wonderful and strange. Chilean sea bass were overfished and, like Chilean blueberries, left a big air freight footprint. Cows were too dumb to exclude for their intelligence or charm, but most cattle were loaded with hormones, pesticide and poop.

What about lamb chops, grapefruit, coffee, sweetbreads?

Once a hearty omnivore, Duncan Blitz feared he might not find anything okay to eat except a drop of water under a leaf. What to do?

Eat anything you want, Dad, said Eric, and have a good time.

DUNCAN IS EATING ANYTHING HE WANTS:

BREAKFAST:
cafe au lait (Kenya. the milk is certified organic)
fresh pumpernickle bread with sweet butter and real honey

SNACK:
shrimp shumai
beer-singh

LUNCH:
1/2 lb assorted Belgium chocolates

SNACK:
the other half

DINNER:
BURGER AND BEER

CALORIES:
5,023

HAPPY?
YES

LINK TO: THE WORLD'S CUTEST ANIMALS

FOREVER FERMENT

Bev Barkowitz is heading for adventure. She jumps from the shower, a soldier drying off, pulls on her tank top and jeans, and savors the morning on her balcony, sipping espresso with warm milk. Beverly Barkowitz knows she's not a soldier, she's a tourist, getting ready.

checklist: flashlight, eyedrops.

BREAKFAST:
CAFE AU LAIT CHAUD
TOAST WITH BUTTER
SLICED CHILLED ATHENA MELON

checklist: cowboy boots, sleeping bag, camera. flashlight.

Beverly thinks about test driving her riding gear. neh. thinks about trimming her hair, naw. Hasn't packed.

LUNCH:
FRESH MANGO ICE CREAM
BELGIAN FRITES WITH MAYONNAISE TRIO
TUNA TARTARE

Bev is ready, but scared. she stares at dark circles under her eyes.
checklist: ativan, cipro, benadryl, immodium

DINNER:
GINGER MARGARITA
CHILLED PEACH SOUP
2LB BAG OF HAWAIIAN POTATO CHIPS
FRESH BLUEBERRIES

Once I'm on the plane, I'll just relax.

SNACK:
GODIVA 16-PIECE DARK CHOCOLATE GIFT BOX, ALL

When I'm there, I'll ride and ride. and forget about my death panel. And eat meat.

DAVEKO BLITZ'S WINE AND FOOD QUIZ

Test your wine and food knowledge by taking this fun and easy quiz. Ready? Let's get going!

1. The term "sur lie" refers to:

a. Someone who is rude and sullen.
b. An obviously false statement
c. The process in which wine is aged along with the dead yeast cells left over after fermentation
d. All of the above

2. Tastevin is:

a. A male sex hormone
b. A coach-like motor vehicle seating 10-12 people
c. A small metal cup used by a sommelier to sample wine
d. How the hell should I know?

3. Hake is:
a. A short handled trowel used for digging up turnips
b. An Asian root vegetable
c. A word once used by Cole Porter to make a clever interior rhyme with "clambake"
d. A salt water fish related to the cod

BONUS QUESTION:

4. Pissaladiere is:
a. A coin-operated single-user public urinal
b. A bowed zither used in Franco-Flemish court music of the 15th century
c. A grilled french-style pizza
d. None of the above


courtesy Dave Koblitz

DON'T CROSS THAT FORK!

Duncan Blitz reached across the table and separated my silverware. The knife safely parallel with the fork, bad luck averted.  Not a speck of spaghetti a la carbonara remaining on our plates, we drank another glass of good cheap Shiraz. 

If everyone clinks glasses across the table for a toast, don't cross with anyone.  Keep from being jinxed by knocking wood.  It's bad luck to sleep with your feet facing the door, and worse to stitch clothing while it's being worn by someone. If you spill salt, toss some over your left shoulder.

Duncan sprinkled salt and ground pepper on romaine hearts dressed in Sicilian extra virgin olive oil, fresh squeezed lime.

If you need work, drink from a mug with your client's logo, if you want to go to NY, use the I (HEART) NY mug.

We took espresso on the porch and watched the horses pace the corral.   The breeze was light, but high cirrus clouds were swept by winds aloft.

If you have a nightmare and tell it to someone, it won't come true.
It's good luck to work on your birthday.
It's bad luck (for some people) to be on television. It's good luck for others.
If you sneeze, be sure somebody says, "God bless you."
When you see a funeral procession, spit.
You see lots of ants before an earthquake.
A horseshoe is good luck. Duncan had one on his wall, right-way up.  If it's upside down, the luck will spill out.

Duncan Blitz poured  2 glasses of Sambuca and put 1 coffee bean in his glass and 3 in the bottom of mine (it has to be an odd number.)
When you give someone clothing, tell them to wear it in good health.
Campai, said Duncan
L'abriut! I toasted. 

Duncan offered me a biscotti but I didn't take the last one, because whoever eats the last one will be an old maid.

I told Duncan, "I guess I don't have to observe my superstitions any more."
Why is that?
Because I kept my fingers, but not forks and knives, crossed, and I got messed up anyway.  So what's the point.

"You survived," Duncan remarked.
So that's the point?
 
On my airplane home, I timed the take-off roll from when the jet accelerates to when it gets off the ground.  I like when it's 27 or 28, but not too crazy about 29.  all the 30s are okay.

jonesing for new mexico

Duncan Blitz slipped a sliver of lime into the tiny compost canister on his small kitchen shelf of his sublet apartment in the federal district of columbia.   The miniature compost would feed the cherry tomatoes and baby strawberries on his little balcony. Like hauling barrows of manure in New Mexico, but enclosed.

The container was half-filled with espresso grounds layered with orange peel, ginger slices, radish greens and artichoke leaves.  Like a canyon, but not.

A scrap of fish was in there, like Squanto, but without squanto.

Duncan brought his Tecate out to the balcony and breathed the evening air.  Like his porch in New Mexico, without the view. and no dog at his feet.  At street level were daschunds and English bulldogs, on leash.

He noticed a white flower on the strawberry plant.  If I put strawberry trimmings in the compost, would it be cannibalism, he wondered.

DUNCAN BLITZ FINDS HIS "CENTER"

"Step forward on your left foot," said Duncan's tai chi instructor, "turn so your navel is facing your toe, and lower your upper body."

Duncan became alarmed: his belly button was not where it should be. At home, he pressed his finger to the center of his belly and decided the button must have shifted when his appendix was taken out. He tried lying on his back to see what lined up, but his old dog Wylie got up from his spot near the door to lick his face.

At the tv station, Duncan found Satellite Sally unplugging her truck from shore power.

"My belly button's off," said Duncan. "It fell off?" "No, it's off center." "Well, ignore it, your meridian is lined up underneath, Sally advised.

"I don't know, I think I have to find a new center. My solar plexus maybe. Do you know where the solar plexus actually is?" "I think it's just below your ribs," said Sally. "Are they lined up?"

"Yeah, I guess. I just feel out of whack."

"Is that your pager?"

"Yeah, Beverly's probably sending me to whack out a few stories and a live shot."

"Okay babe, stay in the center of your lane."

"Thanks Sal," said Duncan, resigned to his disalignment.

DUNCAN IS ON THE NAVEL ALIGNMENT DIET:

Breakfast: navel orange, sliced
2 cups cafe au lait

Lunch: gruyere and goat cheese omelet with sauteed button mushrooms

Snack: mojo mojito

Dinner: center cut pork chops with grilled serrano peppers, tomatoes vinaigrette

Dessert: molten chocolate cake with warm center

LAO TSU: “At the center of your being you have the answer; you know who you are and you know what you want.”

WHERE'S MY CENTER? (cancer is SO FUNNY!) 

CELERY

Duncan Blitz was getting fat. His jeans were tight, his gut was not. He wanted to lose weight. Duncan rinsed a piece of celery and ate it. He rinsed another piece, a baby stalk from the middle of the clump, and ate it. He made an espresso. While it waited in the pot, he ate a piece of celery. Duncan shook the milk carton, poured the frothy milk over a cup of black gold, nuked the espresso-au-lait for 9 seconds, and then another 6 seconds. no! 7 seconds, and took the brew to the porch. Pink porch, the trim painted by the ex-, who was "wiry" and never dieted to stay that way.

The air felt good, the day was nice, snow on the ground, winds aloft.

Duncan went back in the house, his big dog Wylie stayed out.

This diet thing wasn't going to work.

THE TIGHT JEANS DIET:

BREAKFAST:
coffee with hot milk, toast with butter and mesquite honey

SNACK:
celery sticks, all of them
coffee with warm milk

LUNCH:
steamed artichoke with melted butter and lime
angel hair pasta with fresh tomato sauce
string beans sauteed in garlicked olive oil
chess man dark chocolate cookies. 3, then another 3, till box is empty

SNACK:
tecate with lime

DINNER:
green chile cheeseburger with fries
garden salad
pickles
mug root beer

SNACK:
cheesecake

O'BRIEN

It streaked silent across the sky and disappeared. "Three," thought Duncan Blitz. Shooting stars. You're supposed to wish on them, but Duncan liked to take his time, and assign a wish later. "You too, Wylie?" he asked. The big dog leaned closer.
Duncan looked for the Big Dipper. Found it, and Orion, the hunter. When they first moved to New Mexico, he had pointed out the constellation with its sword and belt to Eric, who as a toddler remembered it as "O'Brien's Pants."


O'Brien was supposed to stand with his dogs Canis Major and Canis Minor, but neither Duncan nor his canine knew really where.


Duncan Blitz went inside and wished to celebrate Eric's 50th birthday together.


COSMIC FOOD: ANY FOOD OTHER THAN BROCCOLI (urban dictionary)

DUNCAN'S THREE-STAR DIET:

BREAKFAST:

FRESH SQUEEZED ORANGE JUICE
CAFE AU LAIT
FLAKY CROISSANT WITH SWEET CREAM BUTTER AND BLACKBERRY JAM

LUNCH:
SALAD NICOISE

SNACK:
BELGIAN DARK CHOCOLATE WITH CRYSTALLIZED GINGER
SPRING WATER

DINNER:
STEAMED ARTICHOKE WITH LEMONE BUTTER MAYONNAISE
WILD GAME FOIE GRAS TERRINE
ROASTED RACK OF PORK, SOUPY BLACK BEANS, HERBED WILD RICE
CARMELIZED CAULIFLOWER
BEAUJOLAIS

DESSERT:
DOUBLE DARK CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM
MOET ET CHANDON