when panthers roamed

and before it froze in Hong Kong and was hot on Christmas in NY, then dumped a blizzard.

The world, a place where people ate what they grew or hunted, till they died when viruses and fevers hunted them, became safer with sanitation and antibiotics.  It was a sunny place, and we cooked and washed up inside our homes;  there was water to drink, and spare time to read or go swimming.  

The weather was variable but the seasons were predictable.  If your father and maybe mother worked, and you did well in school, you could go to college.   You got a good job and saved money for travel, or cross-country skis, or a work of art, or a used car. You might indulge in sexual freedom, political freedom, intellectual freedom and freedom from your parents' past. 

Duncan Blitz had thrived at work, tumbled in and out of marriage, and marriage again, and even though some people worried about bringing a child into the world, he had one, plus a dog.  Eric named for the ancestors, Wiley somehow arrived and and left already named.  Eric grew up, Wiley was buried in his spot on the property.

Duncan and a puppy strode up the road, the person happy to be alive, the dog was simply dog-happy.  

How are you coping?   Did the snow energize you?  Was it quiet and calm? 

DUNCAN IS ON THE PREDECESSORS DIET:

FIRST SIPS:

fresh ginger root tea

BREAKFAST: 

Farm eggs, if the hens are laying

buttered toast

summer jam

NM pinon coffee with steamed milk

LUNCH:

fresh squeezed ruby red grapefruit juice

big chunk of leftover pork roast sandwich (sangwich) 

espresso

SNACK:

Tecate w lime

DINNER: 

pizza with friends

calories: 4,300

NETFLICKS-TIME TREAT:

chocolate covered chocolate

calories: 4,300

AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT

Duncan Blitz usually didn't feel sorry for himself, but today he did.  Christmas coming, no work.  Alone.
Beverly Barkowitz never felt sorry for herself; it was enough to be alive.
Satellite Sally had the big honkin blue.  She was packing so much weight her pajamas were tight. Her hand was burned (Operator Error: Pressure Cooker) and her kid was in a scary situation that Sally could neither assist nor control.

Sally ate:
Breakfast
coffee and toast
a row of brownies from the pan
another row
Avocado and lettuce salad
brownie
nother
Lunch:
Smoked Salmon with cream cheese on toasted something-bread with nuts or dried fruit or something
hard boiled egg
sliced cucumber
Red wine
a chocolate bar  
calories:  3,900

Duncan ate:
a baked potato
2 beers
calories: 610

Beverly ate:
cafe latte and a pastry at Flying Star.  "Are you ready for Christmas?" asked the cashier.  "I'm never ready," said Bev, wondering whether she'd ever had the wherewithal to just say, "I'm Jewish."
calories:  330

Beverly made beef brisket simmered in red wine and invited everyone by.
Sally couldn't get out of the house (everything too tight)
so Bev came to her place, with the brisket and a sixer of Christmas beer and sent a text to Dunc:
noche buena 7p satellite sal's b there

Dinner was good and everyone got safely home
amen.

my email was hacked (and lose weight)

Dear Friends, my email account was hacked. please do not open a Google document, it was spam or malware.  I apologize,
Duncan

Dear Friends, my email account was hacked.  I am not stranded in Europe, I am home and fine.  If you received email from me asking for $4,000. it was spam from a hacker.  I apologize.
Duncan

Dear Friends, please DO NOT CLICK on a link that says, ohmygod this is the funniest video ever.  My email was hacked, and the message is spam. I apologize.
Duncan

Dear Friends, my email was hacked.  I did not send you a picture, please DO NOT "check this out!" It's spam from a phishing site.  I apologize.
Duncan

Dear friends, I did not win a free iPad by clicking on this site. my Facebook account was spammed.  I apologize.
Duncan

Dear Friends,  I have lost 20 lbs in 2 weeks on the Paleo-Blitz "Workout Like A Caveman" plan. Click here for a free membership to the Spa Di Duncannes, with worldwide club privileges and a "Lose While You Sleep" fat burner.  You will automatically receive a GPS Menu Chronograph Rollex watch, and 10 sessions with a massage therapist from Sweden or Thailand or both.
Duncan

I Wish I Knew

Duncan Blitz had a small case of Sad.   "I'm forty-fucking eight, and what can I show for it?" He checked the freezer, the fridgie, the kitchen cabinet, for chocolate.  nada.

Duncan opened a Tecate, squeezed a lime, took a tug.  

It was better not to measure, he decided.  Tomorrow could bring dark chocolate. 

DUNCAN IS ON THE PENSIVE EATING PLAN:

Breakfast:  
Slow-brewed Stormy Tea
Lemon Curd Cake
3 mugs cafe con leche

Snack:
Chewy Granola Bar
Chinggis Vodka, Gold. 2 shots

Lunch:
skip

Dinner:
Tortilla Soup
Cesar Salad
club soda with lemon

Dessert:
Chocolate Chunk chocolate ice cream
Ultra Dark Chocolate Truffle with caramel and salt.

I feel much better, thought Duncan.  

LORAZEPAM AND LOSE WEIGHT

Satellite Sally woke to a beautiful day, sunny and cold.  She relit the wood stove, sipped a ginger tea and put three scoops of bustelo plus one of pinon roast into her 1-cup espresso maker.

She tapped a peach-colored baby aspirin from the bottle by the sink, and noticed one pill that was tiny and white.  That one was Atavan.  Like the worm in the bottom of the Cusano Rojo bottle, it would be her surprise treat one day.

Sally had several things to do every day, a couple of things to do once in a while and a ton of things to do eventually.  But first the coffee was ready to mix with steaming milk and early sun.

Satellite Sally congratulated herself on taking the buyout from KLUTZ when the station started covering less and less of the state and needing fewer a fewer uplinks.  The anger in her had run out, leaving room for rock & roll, rhythm and blues, sky and stars.

A walk or a run or a ride would make today perfect, she thought, as sipped her 'spresso.

aspirin to atavan, 
dirt to mud,
heaven to the other place, 
there's nothing to say but it's okay..  
good morning good morning good morning good.


BREAKFAST:
cup of espresso with steamed milk       100 calories
another cup                                                  100 calories
second pot                                                    200 calories

small bowl of cole slaw                               275 cal
buttered toast                                                 285 cal

cup of espresso with steamed milk             100 cal

LUNCH:
frisee spring salad with citrus and salt         400 calories

SNACK:
bowl of blueberries
(from mexico, not Chile)                             ciento sesenta y cinco calorías

DINNER:                                                          500 cal
heaps of whole cooked shrimp, tails on
Sauvignon Blanc
romaine lettuce leaves with fresh lime juice
cocktail sauce

DESSERT:
cocktail sauce                                                 300 cal

SNACK:
the rest of the cocktail sauce                           100 cal

BEDTIME:
atavan:                                                         atavan?  are you sure?
Lorazepam appears to have more profound adverse effects on memory than other benzodiazepines; it impairs both explicit and implicit memory.^{[42][43 (Wikipedia)}

""Stop yelling!" said Eric, when Duncan Blitz tapped on the guest room door to see whether his son was awake.  "What time do you want to leave?" Duncan whispered.
"I told you to stop yelling."
"I'm whispering," Duncan whispered.

Duncan knew better than to watch his watch while Eric did not shower, did not appear for coffee, did not load his duffel into the Prius.  "We're leaving in 15 minutes?" he asked.  "20," affirmed the young man.

Duncan zipped the duffel while Eric drank coffee, asked twice whether there was any cereal ("just oatmeal" twice), and grabbed the bag ("is this your mongolia bag?") while resisting the urge to ask whether Eric planned on carrying it on.

"Do you have your glasses, ID and cellphone?"  he asked as he started the car.  "High winds today, you'll bump around on takeoff, would you like a 'mother's little helper?'"  (enthusiasm from the passenger side).

I'm proud of you, said Duncan.  You're paying your rent, you look great and seem very centered.  The best I've seen you in 10 years.  "I'm unhappy," said Eric.  "Do you have goals?" "Yes."
driving.
driving.
After the Big I, Duncan said,
"A plateau in life can feel boring, but it can be the transition to the next exciting thing."

"I'm glad you're not selling the apartment in NY," said Eric.  and: "I hate the doormen.  They're so slow to open the door and I'm always in a hurry.  But I can't push the door open in their face."
"That's a First World Problem."
"I live in the First World."

Departures, Right Lane; "Which airlines?"
"American?"
Here.  When you hop out, I'll give you your Record Locator and an Ativan.  "Please give it to me now, it's cold out." (in pajamas, boots, a coat.  hat and glasses.)
Duncan Blitz gave his son a tiny white pill (glug), $50 bucks, and the reservation code that Eric did not need.

"I'm going to check my bag, it's too much trouble."
Duncan hopped out to see that Eric was all set.  His son tipped the Skycap and gave his dad a hug.
"Have a good trip!" said Dunc.
(and turning to the car, murmured, "fly safely."  He had already asked, "text me when you're home.")

Duncan Blitz put away the unused towels in his quiet house.  He touched his worry stone, a gift from his son, and noted how soothing it felt and how nice it looked.  He tried to remember what they had been laughing at in the car,  something funny that brought them together.

BREAKFAST BEFORE A FLIGHT:
Coffee        0 calories
no cereal     0 calories
rolls, coffee, stuff to put on the rolls, stuff to eat with the rolls, other stuff
other stuff to drink

LUNCH: Dallas-Forth Worth Airport
burrito
beer
coffee
candy bar
water
coffee

DINNER: New York City
is there any cereal?

CALORIES:  1850

Duncan is foraging and crowd sourcing

Duncan Blitz discovered a sprig of finely shredded arugula.  Curls of ramps were hiding nearby.   There was even what appeared to be raspberries and wild mushrooms tucked in a shady glen.    What a yield, thought Duncan, as he inspected his string of dental floss, and tossed it aside.   The New Mexico food scene had definitely improved with the opening of the "Mad Nordic Copenhagen" cafe in Santa Fe.   So had Duncan's social life after shooting the video for a Kickstarter project called "Bees in our Bonnet," a startup company producing habanero honey (infused with with scotch bonnet chile peppers.)  I like these crowd sourcing people, thought Duncan, his life, for once, looking up.

On the way home from dinner, Duncan pulled off Highway 14, the Turquoise Trail, and looked at meadow, mountain and sky.  He contemplated pinon nuts and prickly pears for the picking, dandelion greens and stinging nettles, thorny brambles, choke cherries and elderberries.  Delicacies were all around, if you let yourself find them.

NORD BY SOUTHWEST FORAGER'S DIET:

BREAKFAST:
cowboy percolator coffee       (0 calories)
with fresh cream and sugar     (90 calories)
zuzax artisanal donut              (250 calories)
with pink sprinkles                 (+90)
2 more donuts                         (680 calories)
and a second cup of coffee     (90)
foraged porch-strawberries with camino mint
                                               (100 calories per serving)


everything else: 3400 calories
LUNCH:
slow roasted javelina with turnip roots and their greens
sliced sauteed peaches
high country wine


SNACK:
sedillo sliders
rio grande rice and beans

SUPPER:
wood grilled serpent a sonnettes
taters
beer
prune and grappa gelato

LATE NIGHT SNACK:
kit kat bar

                                           

Sing-along:

Bistro Stew, bistro stew, a craft beer for me  (800 calories)
and a nettle for you! (8 calories)

DUNCAN BLITZ AND THE TRUE MEANING OF LIFE

"What is the meaning of life?" asked Duncan Blitz.
"You should try to make the world a better place," said his guru, coffee mug in hand.  "Would you like another piece of pie?"
"No thanks Mom," said Duncan. "I don't have room."

Duncan contemplated his mother's strong gaze, crazy hair, Western boots, New York jeans.  "I gotta get going," he said.
"I'll walk you," said mom, stopping in the mud room for her coat.   She looked at the sky and gave Duncan a hug.  "I love you."  "I love you too."
When his did wood-splitting, hay tossing, culvert clearing, truck driving mommie become small?  Duncan Blitz watched her grab a few sticks of firewood and hop inside before he reached the paved road.

BRUNCH WITH MOM:

french toast with real butter and maple syrup
OJ, from da juicer
2 eggs sunnyside up, with salsa and black beans, sliced avocado, corn tortillas
why-a-duck sausage

grapefruit and kumquat slices
cafe au lait

apple pie
chocolate chip cookies for the road.

why a link: duck sausage recipe

YOU LOOK GREAT!

Beverly Barkowitz roared into town, back from the dead.
"Holy shit!" thought Duncan Blitz.  He said, "hey Bev, you look great," and hugged his old mentor because he could, and she did.  Then he just stood there.
What to say?  nice wheels.  is that a new tattoo?  how long are you in town.  gee it's good to seeya.  you're not dead and you don't look like you're dying.  you look great!
"You look so healthy!"
"Thanks Dunc,  I feel good."  I feel great.  It's great to be here.  as in Here.  as in here.
"Want to go for a drink?"   It was Friday; Peeps could be at the bar.  Except nobody actually went to the office anymore, so nobody went for a drink anymore, on Friday.
"But we will," thought Duncan.

THE "TGI LUPE'S" PRE-THEATER SPECIAL:
STARTERS:  2 margaritas:  one double. frozen. salt.  one on the rocks, salt.
ENTREE:  blue corn tortilla chips.  "Got any olives, or those mixed pickled things?" 
SIDES:  tequila shooters, generic, salt and lime
DESSERT:  Want to order dinner?  

crispy tasty juicy dinner: 3000 calories
walking till sober:  priceless





                           

DUNCAN BLITZ WANTS TO EAT A FAT BABY

"MOM!"
Duncan Blitz woke up calling her.  Not because he needed his mommy, but because he needed to let her know that the loud blast that woke him hadn't harmed him.  He was okay.

I should go somewhere quiet, thought Duncan, with no trash trucks, no night explosions, no death penalty.  Living life in peace.

I found an ayurvedic divorce counsellor, Duncan's ex told him by FB msg, and would like to meet with you...    I should go somewhere quiet with no Facebook, thought Duncan.

Duncan Blitz put on a clean pair of jeans and drove to the new part of town that had Tasting Menus, Small Plates and Artisanal Draft Beers from Local Craft Brewers.

He walked up Central Ave, slowing to notice a guy with a tiny infant in his snuggli.  "A tapas baby," thought Duncan.   He found a place that looked upscale and ordered a Fat Bastard.

I hope someday you'll join us,
And the world will live as one.

THE HUNGRY TIGER DIET:

breakfast:
wood oven roasted quail eggs
baby fingerling potatoes
ultra baby bok choy
young's double chocolate stout

lunch:
assortment of pickled young garden vegetables and cider-marinated tiny watermelon sprouts
young riesling

snack:
candied baby figs
young Blancs de Blancs

dinner:
fat baby veal chop (tastes like kitten!)
baby carrots with rosemary cherry pepper sauce
chocolate pudding sprinkled with young thai coconut shavings
beaujolais nouveau.  in a sippy cup

LINK TO THE COWARDLY LION AND THE HUNGRY TIGER (READ IT!):
"I don't believe fat babies taste like gumdrops. I'm quite sure they have the flavor of raspberry tarts. My, how hungry I am for fat babies!"

DUNCAN BLITZ IS ON THE DIET OF DIVINE INTERVENTION

Duncan Blitz looked into his heart and saw a tangle of noodles and spun candy.

"God," he said (to God), "Help me out!" and set about sorting and simplifying until it was orderly.

"I'm 40," said Duncan (to Nobody), "Eric is 14, and Wiley is 13 times 7, in dog years."  Nothing lasts forever, he decided, except the sky.

Sorting and simplifying proved daunting to Duncan, who decided to tackle his task after lunch.

SIMPLE MAN'S LUNCH:
sliced grilled breast of gingered duck
rice and black beans flavored with garden thai basil, texas thyme and mouth-popping grape tomatoes
hand made corn tortillas
salsa of fresh peach,  green tomato and slivered onion

chilled watermelon

SNACK:
apple pie w ice cream

BEVERAGE:
cafe con leche?
club soda?
red wine?
tecate?

"please, Duncan," said God: "decide."

duncan blitz: the kit kat ambush

Duncan Blitz heard its call.
Le Chocolatier European Biscuits, calling his name, from the freezer.
Duncan heard it again while he made cafe con leche.
He toasted two pieces of black bread and ate them buttered with marmalade.
The chocolate cookies called to him again, after
lunch:
toasted bagel with cream cheese and lox (with capers and onions)
romaine salad
pickled cream herring
gefilte fish with horse radish
the other half of the bagel

Duncan read the Sunday paper.  He ate a vanilla yogurt. and he ate the blueberry yogurt that he didn't want, but wanted to pitch from the fridge, but not in the trash.

Duncan Blitz grilled a lovely branzino with lemon and taragon, which he enjoyed with a can of Tecate (and a squeeze of lime)
dinner:
Fish and Beer

The stomach of Duncan Blitz is too full to hear the call of the European Chocolate Biscuit.
He will watch a movie.  And eat the whole box.

Le Chocolatier Cookies
Serving Size:   15 cookies, Calories: 750, Fat: 45g, Carbs: 85g, Protein: 5g

DUNCAN BLITZ: ARE SWEETBREADS A VEGETABLE?

Duncan Blitz could not eat skate. After he and his son patted a manta ray at SeaWorld, there was no way Duncan would eat a gentle friendly creature from that family. It would be like harpooning an angel fish, or poaching a panda. It was getting harder to eat rabbit, and impossible to eat bison. The one so meek and the other so wonderful and strange. Chilean sea bass were overfished and, like Chilean blueberries, left a big air freight footprint. Cows were too dumb to exclude for their intelligence or charm, but most cattle were loaded with hormones, pesticide and poop.

What about lamb chops, grapefruit, coffee, sweetbreads?

Once a hearty omnivore, Duncan Blitz feared he might not find anything okay to eat except a drop of water under a leaf. What to do?

Eat anything you want, Dad, said Eric, and have a good time.

DUNCAN IS EATING ANYTHING HE WANTS:

BREAKFAST:
cafe au lait (Kenya. the milk is certified organic)
fresh pumpernickle bread with sweet butter and real honey

SNACK:
shrimp shumai
beer-singh

LUNCH:
1/2 lb assorted Belgium chocolates

SNACK:
the other half

DINNER:
BURGER AND BEER

CALORIES:
5,023

HAPPY?
YES

LINK TO: THE WORLD'S CUTEST ANIMALS

FOREVER FERMENT

Bev Barkowitz is heading for adventure. She jumps from the shower, a soldier drying off, pulls on her tank top and jeans, and savors the morning on her balcony, sipping espresso with warm milk. Beverly Barkowitz knows she's not a soldier, she's a tourist, getting ready.

checklist: flashlight, eyedrops.

BREAKFAST:
CAFE AU LAIT CHAUD
TOAST WITH BUTTER
SLICED CHILLED ATHENA MELON

checklist: cowboy boots, sleeping bag, camera. flashlight.

Beverly thinks about test driving her riding gear. neh. thinks about trimming her hair, naw. Hasn't packed.

LUNCH:
FRESH MANGO ICE CREAM
BELGIAN FRITES WITH MAYONNAISE TRIO
TUNA TARTARE

Bev is ready, but scared. she stares at dark circles under her eyes.
checklist: ativan, cipro, benadryl, immodium

DINNER:
GINGER MARGARITA
CHILLED PEACH SOUP
2LB BAG OF HAWAIIAN POTATO CHIPS
FRESH BLUEBERRIES

Once I'm on the plane, I'll just relax.

SNACK:
GODIVA 16-PIECE DARK CHOCOLATE GIFT BOX, ALL

When I'm there, I'll ride and ride. and forget about my death panel. And eat meat.

DAVEKO BLITZ'S WINE AND FOOD QUIZ

Test your wine and food knowledge by taking this fun and easy quiz. Ready? Let's get going!

1. The term "sur lie" refers to:

a. Someone who is rude and sullen.
b. An obviously false statement
c. The process in which wine is aged along with the dead yeast cells left over after fermentation
d. All of the above

2. Tastevin is:

a. A male sex hormone
b. A coach-like motor vehicle seating 10-12 people
c. A small metal cup used by a sommelier to sample wine
d. How the hell should I know?

3. Hake is:
a. A short handled trowel used for digging up turnips
b. An Asian root vegetable
c. A word once used by Cole Porter to make a clever interior rhyme with "clambake"
d. A salt water fish related to the cod

BONUS QUESTION:

4. Pissaladiere is:
a. A coin-operated single-user public urinal
b. A bowed zither used in Franco-Flemish court music of the 15th century
c. A grilled french-style pizza
d. None of the above


courtesy Dave Koblitz

DON'T CROSS THAT FORK!

Duncan Blitz reached across the table and separated my silverware. The knife safely parallel with the fork, bad luck averted.  Not a speck of spaghetti a la carbonara remaining on our plates, we drank another glass of good cheap Shiraz. 

If everyone clinks glasses across the table for a toast, don't cross with anyone.  Keep from being jinxed by knocking wood.  It's bad luck to sleep with your feet facing the door, and worse to stitch clothing while it's being worn by someone. If you spill salt, toss some over your left shoulder.

Duncan sprinkled salt and ground pepper on romaine hearts dressed in Sicilian extra virgin olive oil, fresh squeezed lime.

If you need work, drink from a mug with your client's logo, if you want to go to NY, use the I (HEART) NY mug.

We took espresso on the porch and watched the horses pace the corral.   The breeze was light, but high cirrus clouds were swept by winds aloft.

If you have a nightmare and tell it to someone, it won't come true.
It's good luck to work on your birthday.
It's bad luck (for some people) to be on television. It's good luck for others.
If you sneeze, be sure somebody says, "God bless you."
When you see a funeral procession, spit.
You see lots of ants before an earthquake.
A horseshoe is good luck. Duncan had one on his wall, right-way up.  If it's upside down, the luck will spill out.

Duncan Blitz poured  2 glasses of Sambuca and put 1 coffee bean in his glass and 3 in the bottom of mine (it has to be an odd number.)
When you give someone clothing, tell them to wear it in good health.
Campai, said Duncan
L'abriut! I toasted. 

Duncan offered me a biscotti but I didn't take the last one, because whoever eats the last one will be an old maid.

I told Duncan, "I guess I don't have to observe my superstitions any more."
Why is that?
Because I kept my fingers, but not forks and knives, crossed, and I got messed up anyway.  So what's the point.

"You survived," Duncan remarked.
So that's the point?
 
On my airplane home, I timed the take-off roll from when the jet accelerates to when it gets off the ground.  I like when it's 27 or 28, but not too crazy about 29.  all the 30s are okay.

jonesing for new mexico

Duncan Blitz slipped a sliver of lime into the tiny compost canister on his small kitchen shelf of his sublet apartment in the federal district of columbia.   The miniature compost would feed the cherry tomatoes and baby strawberries on his little balcony. Like hauling barrows of manure in New Mexico, but enclosed.

The container was half-filled with espresso grounds layered with orange peel, ginger slices, radish greens and artichoke leaves.  Like a canyon, but not.

A scrap of fish was in there, like Squanto, but without squanto.

Duncan brought his Tecate out to the balcony and breathed the evening air.  Like his porch in New Mexico, without the view. and no dog at his feet.  At street level were daschunds and English bulldogs, on leash.

He noticed a white flower on the strawberry plant.  If I put strawberry trimmings in the compost, would it be cannibalism, he wondered.

DUNCAN BLITZ FINDS HIS "CENTER"

"Step forward on your left foot," said Duncan's tai chi instructor, "turn so your navel is facing your toe, and lower your upper body."

Duncan became alarmed: his belly button was not where it should be. At home, he pressed his finger to the center of his belly and decided the button must have shifted when his appendix was taken out. He tried lying on his back to see what lined up, but his old dog Wylie got up from his spot near the door to lick his face.

At the tv station, Duncan found Satellite Sally unplugging her truck from shore power.

"My belly button's off," said Duncan. "It fell off?" "No, it's off center." "Well, ignore it, your meridian is lined up underneath, Sally advised.

"I don't know, I think I have to find a new center. My solar plexus maybe. Do you know where the solar plexus actually is?" "I think it's just below your ribs," said Sally. "Are they lined up?"

"Yeah, I guess. I just feel out of whack."

"Is that your pager?"

"Yeah, Beverly's probably sending me to whack out a few stories and a live shot."

"Okay babe, stay in the center of your lane."

"Thanks Sal," said Duncan, resigned to his disalignment.

DUNCAN IS ON THE NAVEL ALIGNMENT DIET:

Breakfast: navel orange, sliced
2 cups cafe au lait

Lunch: gruyere and goat cheese omelet with sauteed button mushrooms

Snack: mojo mojito

Dinner: center cut pork chops with grilled serrano peppers, tomatoes vinaigrette

Dessert: molten chocolate cake with warm center

LAO TSU: “At the center of your being you have the answer; you know who you are and you know what you want.”

WHERE'S MY CENTER? (cancer is SO FUNNY!) 

CELERY

Duncan Blitz was getting fat. His jeans were tight, his gut was not. He wanted to lose weight. Duncan rinsed a piece of celery and ate it. He rinsed another piece, a baby stalk from the middle of the clump, and ate it. He made an espresso. While it waited in the pot, he ate a piece of celery. Duncan shook the milk carton, poured the frothy milk over a cup of black gold, nuked the espresso-au-lait for 9 seconds, and then another 6 seconds. no! 7 seconds, and took the brew to the porch. Pink porch, the trim painted by the ex-, who was "wiry" and never dieted to stay that way.

The air felt good, the day was nice, snow on the ground, winds aloft.

Duncan went back in the house, his big dog Wylie stayed out.

This diet thing wasn't going to work.

THE TIGHT JEANS DIET:

BREAKFAST:
coffee with hot milk, toast with butter and mesquite honey

SNACK:
celery sticks, all of them
coffee with warm milk

LUNCH:
steamed artichoke with melted butter and lime
angel hair pasta with fresh tomato sauce
string beans sauteed in garlicked olive oil
chess man dark chocolate cookies. 3, then another 3, till box is empty

SNACK:
tecate with lime

DINNER:
green chile cheeseburger with fries
garden salad
pickles
mug root beer

SNACK:
cheesecake

O'BRIEN

It streaked silent across the sky and disappeared. "Three," thought Duncan Blitz. Shooting stars. You're supposed to wish on them, but Duncan liked to take his time, and assign a wish later. "You too, Wylie?" he asked. The big dog leaned closer.
Duncan looked for the Big Dipper. Found it, and Orion, the hunter. When they first moved to New Mexico, he had pointed out the constellation with its sword and belt to Eric, who as a toddler remembered it as "O'Brien's Pants."


O'Brien was supposed to stand with his dogs Canis Major and Canis Minor, but neither Duncan nor his canine knew really where.


Duncan Blitz went inside and wished to celebrate Eric's 50th birthday together.


COSMIC FOOD: ANY FOOD OTHER THAN BROCCOLI (urban dictionary)

DUNCAN'S THREE-STAR DIET:

BREAKFAST:

FRESH SQUEEZED ORANGE JUICE
CAFE AU LAIT
FLAKY CROISSANT WITH SWEET CREAM BUTTER AND BLACKBERRY JAM

LUNCH:
SALAD NICOISE

SNACK:
BELGIAN DARK CHOCOLATE WITH CRYSTALLIZED GINGER
SPRING WATER

DINNER:
STEAMED ARTICHOKE WITH LEMONE BUTTER MAYONNAISE
WILD GAME FOIE GRAS TERRINE
ROASTED RACK OF PORK, SOUPY BLACK BEANS, HERBED WILD RICE
CARMELIZED CAULIFLOWER
BEAUJOLAIS

DESSERT:
DOUBLE DARK CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM
MOET ET CHANDON

Duncan Blitz is on the EAT EXERCISE EXFOLIATE ANTIOXIDATE CHOCOLATE diet

Why a toaster oven? Duncan Blitz split three hunks of cornbread, buttered them, and slid them in the toaster oven. DING! browned and melted, one for him, two for Eric, who was just waking up. Hot coffee, strawberry kiwi yoplait, and toast with gruyere slices and marmalade. Did you invent this, Dad? I don't know, said Dunc. I like it for breakfast, but I bet English people eat the same thing, but with cold toast. Eric: Why do English people eat bad food? Duncan: Because they come from an island where not much grows, and they're Puritans?

Hey, do you want to go out to lunch, or should I pack you something for the bus?

Let's stay here, said Eric.

Duncan made two tuna sandwiches on white, with lettuce, no onion unless Eric would chop it. Milano double chocolate cookies, gummy worms, Utz pretzel sticks, snack pack tropical fruit, mandarin slices. a bottle of ginger beer.

Two great days together. Duncan tried to remember, there was something he meant to tell his son. Witch hazel wipes: "By the way, I don't have hemorrhoids. in case you were wondering. sorry if it's TMI." "That's ok dad. they're not just for hemorrhoids."

and thanks, Duncan said, but not out loud, for showing me your tatoo.

DINNER AT BUSBOYS AND POETS:
catfish dinner, collard greens, sam adams seasonal brew
pizza: fresh tomato, mozarella and basil, garden salad

ORDER-IN DINNER, THE INDIAN PLACE THAT LEFT A FLIER UNDER THE DOOR:
chicken tikka
lamb biryani
samosas
nan
drinks from the fridge

calories: 2025
hanging out together: priceless

THE GORDO DIET. DOES THAT SOUND GOOD?

I was agitated; the Atavan hadn’t kicked in. I prayed my family would forgive my stupidities. I missed the sky. I slept too deep and decided to drive down to the Baja to see Duncan Blitz.

I picked up a 1-week Mexican insurance floater, packed the cooler and an extra pair of jeans, and drove. In Tijuana I filled the cooler with Tecate, Corona and Negra Modelo, bought a couple of tiny tacos de carne asade from a street vendor, noticed the Prius was neither stolen nor smashed, got in and drove. In Rosarito I stopped for camarones a la plancha and a cold beer. I skipped Ensenada, and took the highway through Maneadero, past the spot where I hit the dog. That was thirty years ago and I still feel bad about that dog, but terrible about Hal, who I won’t see again till the afterlife, if.

After the turnoff to Punta Banda I stopped at a roadside stand for 2 jars of olives, a dozen tamales of pork with red chile (an olive buried inside) and a half dozen sweet tamales of corn (cinnamon and a raisin inside). Behind the table the heavyset girl with the glasses and the business smarts had given way to a new heavyset girl with glasses. Probably her granddaughter.

I cranked up a Norteno station on the AM radio, and popped open a cold one for the 20-minute drive to the cove. Punta Banda was still undeveloped, so it was easy to spot the VW next to Duncan’s cabin.

“Hey!” from the opening door. “I was just listening to the game; it’s seventh inning siesta,” he said. I brought in the cooler, and my spare jeans. The cabin was tidy and neat.

The Dodgers lost, improbably, to the Nationals, who won with a sac fly to right in the bottom of the ninth. We decided to check out “La Bufadora,” the blowhole that snorts a tower spray of water from between the rocks. I bought a chocolate con churros but resisted ashtrays, tshirts, painted guitars, ceramic Porky Pigs and Wall-Es at the souvenir stand, and thought about getting my stubby hair braided.

I was still thinking about hair braiding when we decided to walk back from La Buf, to Gordo’s. We sat on the patio, sipping margaritas, and watched the sparkling sea. “Toss a bit of me in the bay, when I’m hay, will you, Dunc?” “Sure,” said Duncan Blitz, looking out at the clear blue swell.

Dinner at Gordo's:

margaritas, frozen, salted rim
guacamole with fresh salsa
dos coronas, with lime
fish tacos, rice, beans, salad
otra cerveza, por favor

dessert: tequila, with salt and lemon

DUNCAN BLITZ IN MEXICO

His line plopped in the sea, and Duncan Blitz reeled it in. Nothing. Another toss, whirr-zizzz, he reeled it through the sparkly blue-gray chop. Nada. Tres Equis in the can, XXX, you don’t see it in the US much. Phhht! Duncan tugged on the Mexican light beer, still cold. He checked the tiny hook, good for small-mouthed fish, cast across the little cove, and reeled. Duncan Blitz was having a very good day.

At home he woke feeling some degree of lousy. But here in the Baja, Duncan felt fine. He could pull up his drawstrings and stand on the patio, to sip a coffee, practice tai chi, or squint at the bay, waiting for a whale to surface, or not.

No Signal, said his cellphone. 4:35PM said his watch. Peace said his brain.

Something hit on the line, and Duncan set the hook. He cranked the spinner, feeling the live shimmer and tug. When he had it near the surface, Duncan lifted the tip of his rod and saw his fish. A nice fat little bass. He had it for dinner with rice and beans, corn tortillas and fresh chopped salsa, with a can of tecate, still cold.

I was dancin’ with my darlin', sang Duncan, working his way through the tune on the accordion he inherited from his mother. Yes I lost my little darlin’ the night they were playin’, the beautiful Tennessee Waltz,

The beautiful Tennessee Waltz.

Clouds rolled over the starry sky, the breeze shifted off shore, and Duncan Blitz had the feeling that tomorrow was going to be a very good day.

THE BAJA DIET:

Breakfast: café con leche, maria cake cookies, huevos con chorizo, rice and beans

Snack: local green olives, cerveza modelo

Lunch: pork tamales (red chile, olive inside), sweet tamales (cinnamon, raisin inside)

Dinner: chicken roasted on the wood fire, beans, tortillas de harina, sweet corn, fresh tomatoes, chopped cilantro, chopped onions, cerveza Bohemia

Snack: nescafe